Just then
I hear my oldest cry out through the silence of the dark. It’s a nightmare cry.
I pinch my eyes as I attempt to push back the contempt rising up within. Couldn’t we just get a couple of hours of
sleep? Another cry comes out....this time from the baby as he has now also
been woken. I quickly grab him up and head to my eldest’s room silently praying
that this is over quickly....
Then the
guilt comes. They need me. They need guidance and love as they learn the
harshness of this world that I’m already all too aware of. Their pleas are
signs of their desire to have me comfort them.
The day
begins early....as do all of them....after a restless night. My youngest still
isn’t sleeping through the night and I continue to allow worldly fears to steal
my rest.
As I sit
in prayer....I remember a blog post I read recently talking about the hardships
of motherhood. Let’s face it....it’s a hard job. My day begins before the birds
even begin chirping. I do my best to prepare the morning to have as little
mishaps as possible but a spilt glass of milk, a fight over a toy, or
every.single.shoe being drug out of the closet for fun is well, inevitable.
I labor
the days hours wanting to put all of myself into my job. I believe in working
as if the work I’m doing is for God himself and often forget that there is
already little of me left to give. Often maintaining my strength in God is
tested daily as I venture into the world.
I toil in my heart every morning as I prepare for work torn between wanting a career and to help support my family and between wanting to be home with the boys. This is only worsened if it is a day where the boys decide to cry at school. Their cries will continue to pierce my heart hours into my work day.
I spend
many moments wondering how the kids days are going and store away a tear
knowing Hubby is picking them up for school.....relishing their faces of joy as
they tell stories of all that happened. I attempt to squeeze a stolen moment
for coffee and my own time as blogs are getting behind....and social media
hasn’t been updated.
Spent from
the day...I take a deep breath as I cross the threshold of our home each
evening. 11 hours has already been put in at work (not including the 2.5 hours
before I arrived this morning) and we have a full night ahead. Dinner is
started as we spend some family time playing and exchanging much needed
attentions. Baths are poured.
Everyone
must eat, floors need swept and the bathroom will once again need cleaned after
bath time. Laundry is a daily task and school bags need repacked for the next
day. We will prepare lunches and bottles, tidy up, feed dogs, and do dishes. We
will read bible stories to the boys, say our goodnight prayers, and do our
devotions....
All the
while praying it was enough. All the while detailing every failure. All the
while asking forgiveness for that which we missed.
Did they
get enough attention? Did I listen hard enough or give the right amount of
kisses?
Some days
it all seems to blur together....self, family, parenting, marriage, and work.
Sometimes I wonder if anyone is listening to my cries. Sometimes I wonder if my
heart will ever lighten.
For many
moms, they want their work recognized. I can understand this. I can understand
wanting someone to say...wow, you keep such a nice home or it’s amazing how
your kids clothes are always so well taken care of. Sometimes we just want
someone to look around and say I see
all that you’re doing....
But for
me....I want to be heard. I want my endless quest for forgiveness to be heard.
I want my middle of the night pleas for my laden heart to lessen. I want my
prayers for my children’s future to be taken.
 |
And then I
am reminded....I have that! I am not alone! Jehovah Shama (Shaw Mah’) is I Am
the Lord Who Hears.
In Genesis 16, Hagar runs from Sarai when she is angry with her for being pregnant.
Hagar meets God while in the desert and God reminds her that He KNOWS the truth and He knows her burdens and He hears her cries.
She gave him the name Jehovah Shama for He is the Lord who Hears.
It is in these moments that I am reminded of this one and only time God is referred to by this name and my heart is filled with joy. God hears me....he comforts me....he listens to my cries and knows what I carry. He takes it all for me!
 |
Today, I pray that you know the God who hears! If you are unsure about Christ and what he can do for your life, please email me at shanamom2(@)gmail(dot)com. I'd love to talk more about it!
And check out our Prayer Power page! We'd love to pray for you today!
Check out my highlight sponsor this month!!
XOXxx
Shana Danae..
*hugs* I often wonder myself if my babies are getting enough of my time, attention, affection??? I have come to realize, balance is relative. As long as my kiddos seem to be happy, fed and taken care of, then that has to be good enough. Thank you for sharing, and please know... we all have days, months, or years of feeling too busy... you are not alone.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much! Yes, I feel many of us experience this at one point or another and that is why it is so important to remember that God is with us! Thanks for stopping by!
DeleteI'm a working mom and I am often torn between the wanting to commit more to my job and wanting to be home with my girls. It's such a hard, exhausting balance. Sometimes I think the exhausting part is more mental than physical. My struggle with this though I feel has strenghtened my relationship with God.
ReplyDeleteAngela @ TIme with A & N ( http://glennbabies.blogspot.com)
That is so beautiful! Yes, dependence on God can truly improve our relationships! It is more mental than anything but we do what we feel is best for our children! And prayer is always the key!
Delete