The Sauce of Bad Habits part 4

Disclaimer: Please take a moment now and vacate the premises of my parenting kitchen if you are in anyway allergic to obscure parenting thoughts, bullshit, venting, or overall fed-upness. (And yes that is my new word!) No children were harmed physically, mentally, or emotionally in the process of this parenting kitchen experiment!

If you’re only joining us now please read part 1, part 2, and part 3! I’m sure you’ll thoroughly enjoy it and regret it terribly if you don’t!

If you’ve made it this far then you’re doing pretty well. This isn’t a sauce you’re going to whip together in a few moments. This sauce is the product of an array of missteps over the course of your toddler’s life thus far! This is your penance for having been a softy! This is karmas revenge for all the antics you pulled on your parents. This is your lesson and you must learn it the hard way!!

Step 5) Add a little salt

Step 4 might result in some flying tempers from parents. This is the adult version of the tantrum. (Basically our result in life from getting children to not throw a tantrum is actually training them to carry out tantrums in a less physical manner!)

These tempers from parents can cause a boiling affect in the mouth. These previous four steps have now brewed and simmered and are creating an intoxicating aroma in the daily life.

This aroma pours over and becomes….F***.

That’s right. Some where along the lines of the path we’ve been walking Lil Mister has picked up on this nasty little word. Like salt it can add a little bit of flavor to a joke or a moment but overall it is an overpowering and disgusting thing.

Nothing like having a 2 year old say ‘Oh F*** it’ while standing in line at the grocery store.

In this particular sauce, we want NO SALT….once added it can be impossible to remove. You may need to go back to scratch and begin again.

However, if this bugger has crept into your sauce simply try removing it by canceling it out. Sugar works well.
Each time the word is said, we attempt to distract Lil Mister with another word. (Luckily we’re Afrikaans and there are a few words that sound similar!) If you speak English (which I assume you do because I do not have a translator on my page!) or any other language, you may need to get creative!

Step 6) Allow to cool and serve

We are working up a serving of 24/7 attachment at our house right now. Lil Mister typically wants nothing to do with Mommy at this stage (blame it on the pregnancy) and therefore turns to Daddy all the time!

He screams when Daddy leaves. He cries when going to school. Daddy must entertain him from dawn to dusk.

This allows Mommy a break right now. I miss the attachment Lil Mister had with me and relish every time I do get a kiss or a ‘my Mommy’ instead of a bite, but this allows time for the sauce to cool.

This setting period is making me aware of the taste! It is what has brought on this revelation of bad habits!

It is leaving Daddy ready to pull his hair out. It is a time which will pass. It is a time which we must savor as we attempt to break these habits!

So there you have it. That is our sauce that is brewing right now. It seems pretty simple and to be honest it was simply created by our own doing.

Now is the time for change….

Now is when we eat the sauce we’ve created…(kind of like eating your own words!)

Now we work on breaking all of these habits to create a balanced and well rounded meal of happiness!!

Hopefully I’ll have news soon…..until then…..GOOD LUCK!

Shana

The Sauce of Bad Habits part 3

Disclaimer: Please take a moment now and vacate the premises of my parenting kitchen if you are in anyway allergic to obscure parenting thoughts, bullshit, venting, or overall fed-upness. (And yes that is my new word!) No children were harmed physically, mentally, or emotionally in the process of this parenting kitchen experiment!

If you're only joining me now....check out part 1 and part 2!! It's a great sequence...you know 1..2..3...you get the picture!

Step 3) Thicken your liquid and spice mix to create gravy like consistency…

This liquid will make it so you need to thicken the sauce. Your thickening agent is a DIRECT result of your liquid. Therefore, we add to the removal of teats the concept of potty training!

I CANNOT and WILL NOT have two children in nappies 24/7! Call me lazy but I was one of those moms that a second child was a far future thought process. So God hit me with the book on this pregnancy! I am so excited and grateful as Lil Mister will have a brother and friend for life. However…

Two in nappies is not part of my vocabulary and not a concept I am keen to have a blog about!

Yet, as long as Lil Mister keeps drinking from that dang teat all night, I can’t get him out of nappies at night! If you’ve been following the last couple of weeks you will surely have read about the preparations for potty training here or here.

This thickening agent needs time to simmer. Once added to the pot of bad habits it will take over every thing else! You will forget you have a bitter spice of co-sleeping or a liquid of teats about to boil over. You’re main focus will be getting that wee into a potty and rewarding for doing so!

I’m prepared mentally for the simmer process. Lil Mister is progressing well at home with potty and seems to be making a new friend in the implement!

I am not prepared to still be getting up twice a night to change bedtime nappies! I know…I know! I must be patience but that bank account is almost empty! (See part 2)

The poo in the potty and the dry nights take a while longer….but it will NEVER happen if I keep giving him a teat.

You won’t get a sauce thick no matter how long you wait if you keep adding water to it! Cooking 101!

So I have to hit my Lil Mister with a double whammy. I have to take away the teat all together…..stop adding water to the mix!


Step 4) Add your ump….some chili

The only problem is that bitter spice, liquid, and thickening isn’t going to get you a beautiful sauce. You need to add something that will give it ump. You want to add flavor to a sauce. You want it to leave a nice feeling in your mouth. So we add some ass burning tantrums!!

Oh yea, imagine a sauce filled with Habanera Chili’s and jalapeño peppers. You won’t forget that too soon will you! Nope!

A tantrum is like a chili. Some degree of tantrum is an important developmental milestone for most children actually. It gives child and parents the time and circumstances to learn how to work through and communicate through unsettling situations.

It gives flavor all right….one that keeps on giving!

Lil Mister is at a difficult stage in development. And now cruel mommy refuses to lie with him every night, has taken away his teats…AND is making him sit on some weird contrapment and do his business!

Frustration is not the word. Verbal skills have not quite developed to the point of expressing anxiety towards the potty works or annoyance at the loss of his friend teat-tea. Therefore, we act out in the form of hitting, screaming, and running away. Tears flow like the Nile River and words escape that cause me to glare at Hubby Dearest in a menacing way!

This is where your sauce can become a huge, GINORMOUS mess. Like all chili’s you must only allow the exact right amount to be added. If it goes too far, it will result in you having to add more liquid. (You’ll give in and give him the teat to get some peace.) This liquid will mean more thickening. (More accidents and therefore more nappies at night!)

This process will leave your sauce bland and mean that you MUST add more bitter spice. (You’ll be so exhausted you won’t have the energy to fight the sleep and will end up sleeping the whole night in child’s bed or more detrimental….child will sleep in yours!)

All of which lead you right back to the beginning of this whole process…..

Join me next week for the last part in our Sauce of Bad Habits series!

Shana

The Sauce of Bad Habits Part 2

Disclaimer: Please take a moment now and vacate the premises of my parenting kitchen if you are in anyway allergic to obscure parenting thoughts, bullshit, venting, or overall fed-upness. (And yes that is my new word!) No children were harmed physically, mentally, or emotionally in the process of this parenting kitchen experiment!


If you are just joining me now, please take a moment and check out part 1 of The Sauce of Bad Habits! It is juicy, exhilarating. It is an adventure in your mouth….oh, it makes sure you aren’t lost today!

Let me now explain the steps to creating the sauce….

Step 1) Allow for spices to dry out…place in pot
Refusal to sleep on own….resulting in bitterness of parents due to lack of rest

Lil Mister needs to be coaxed to sleep each night. We co-slept as an infant because it was nice and mommy worked full time! Then we moved into our own crib.

This took weeks of transition. It was a lovely hair pulling experience. We were in a flat and I promise the birds didn’t even stick around when hearing the blood curdling screams. I think the people next to us wanted to report us for abuse!

Maybe Lil Mister is paying us back for this time!

While in said crib, we eventually learnt to fall asleep on our own. (Again we resorted back to the cry it out. I’ll admit I’m weak and it broke my heart but I’m not abusive and therefore Mommy needed to walk away!)

Then we learnt to climb out and got moved to a big boy bed. This was at the same time as we moved in with the in-laws. So two big transitions resulted in us being a little lenient on the climbing out of bed. Said leniency caused Hubby Dearest and me to take turns “putting” Lil Mister to bed. In reality this means lying with him until he sleeps.

Lil Mister is now in his own room. However, we must still lay with him until he sleeps. THIS MUST STOP!! We both work full time and love EVERY minute we get with Lil Mister but bedtime is the ONLY time we have for each other and to do things around the house!

Let’s be real here, with an infant coming along…how can we put two to sleep with me breastfeeding as well! I’m not up for it! I need both kids (insinuating that I will not be making the same mistakes a second time!) into good sleep habits so I can give necessary attention to all three men in my life!

So now…we break the habit. It is resulting in longer periods of time between going to bed and actually sleeping. It is also exhausting the patience bank. However, it must be done. I feel that 22 months old and in a big boy bed equals old enough to fall asleep by ones self.

Routine is the key. We bath, then eat dinner, then play. 19:45 we give kisses to everyone and head to room. It is then story time, tea time, and lights out. Mommy or Daddy stay in the room but NOT IN THE BED….

I’m counting the days until I can kiss him goodnight and go do dishes before 9pm!!

This process is now 20 days from hitting a year since we first transitioned to crib….this sauce takes some brewing. Allow for a slow simmer of emotions to develop including but not limited to anger, self pity, worthlessness, hopelessness, feeling as if you are cruel to child, and loathing of partner.


Step 2) Add liquid to spices and turn up the heat…

The second ingredient is a teat. Oh yes, that wonderful thing that used to work like a mute button! It now creates the liquid (literally!) in your sauce.

This step must be done first but allowed to sit while you work on other factors. Each time you will be tempted to add the removal of teat to your sauce…you will need to wait as some other age appropriate transition is happening (see previous ingredient!)

Lil Mister almost refuses, blatantly, to give up his teat.

Please do not think I am a heartless mother. I watch my child on a daily basis drink perfectly from a cup. One in every 20 cups results in something being spilt and 9 times out of 10 he has spilt on purpose! He has his own cups and has no quarrels with using them. HOWEVER….

He still wants that darn teat at night….nap time….when watching TV…if he sees it…thinks about…or hears the words bottle, teat, tea, or anything that sounds like that!

I recently bought the last stage in the Advent sippy teats. Check them out…I like them! He drank from the stage before just fine. He drinks from his Tommy Tippee Sippy. He drinks from a straw!! But these things are like the devil right now!

He honestly runs from the bottle if I put them on!

I’m exhausted as I enter the last weeks of my pregnancy. I am still working 10 hours a day, 5 days a week. I still do my things at home. I WANT TO SLEEP AT NIGHT!

Therefore, I keep giving him the dang teat! I put that stupid thing back on his bottle and let him go happily into dream land. I can’t stand the idea of staying up all night for however long trying to wean him!

These teats means that he continues to drink at night. Drinking at night will lead to needing to wee. This wee is an EXCESSIVE AMOUNT of liquid! I’m talking a week could fill the Nile River! Imagine Niagara Falls meets Victoria Falls cascading down the Appalachian Mountains into my child’s nappy! Okay this is a little much but you get the picture!

Join me next week for part 3!!

Shana

The Sauce of Bad Habits part 1

As new parents we experience an entirely different world from what we previously knew.

For some couples, the road to children has been a joyous process. It was a decision well thought about and planned. They waited expectantly for the day that they would learn of their little ones life. The day finally arrives and is surrounded with much hoopla and extravagant emotions. Much of which couples already having born such offspring remember and wish very dearly to warn congratulate the soon-to-be’s!

For others, it comes as a shock. Children may have been something that was spoken of as a possibility in the near far future. Some out there are single moms or even single dads! Others are blessings by God providing homes to children who otherwise would be without! Whatever the circumstances are that brought on the pooping, weeing, crying bundle of joy; we are all in the same boat.

As your offspring grows, you are showered with loving advice from others who have walked the path before you….oh who am I kidding? You are bombarded with hundreds of “experts” opinions and other moms and dads "experienced advice" all while being forced to assume your child must fit into a specific category or “box”.

Let’s face it. Ladies (and gents!) our children don’t necessarily fit into any form of category. Take my son, for example. When ever we go into town, I am always stopped and told how gorgeous and well behaved he is. I say thank you and try to act as if I’ve never noticed. In reality I’m thinking to myself, why can’t he be like this at home?!? Instead, he is throwing toys, jumping off of anything he can get onto, and trying to get onto or into the rest! The teachers tell me he bit a kid! And a typical Saturday consists of two baths and a swim because he can’t stay out of the mud….or was that just dog poop….NOOOOO!!!

All of this is part of growing up! That is all fine and dandy with me. I take no thoughts to heart if my son needs a bath for the third time today because friends have “popped in” to say hello and we are far from presentable! He’s a boy is what I always tell myself. (I also secretly glare at them with my fatal evil eye for having just come over unannounced and swear to myself that they must accept that I have a child and this is the way life is! Just wait until it's your turn!)

There are factors that I didn’t think about though. And through all the loving advice I’m given nothing is preparing me for dealing with facing these obstacles with my child. I am finding it increasingly exhausting to remind people of the common sense fact that Lil Mister is not the same as anyone else’s children!

If they’d pause for a moment and listen to themselves give “advice” they’d realize that they contradict themselves every second sentence in any case.

"Kid 1 was potty trained at 18 months. Kid 2 was a little less interested so I had to do a, b, or c different and Kid 2 was finally off diapers by 3! Definitely do it this way!”

“With girl I breastfed exclusively and that is the right thing to do. Oh no, I didn’t breastfeed with boy for so long because he had teeth early and it hurt.”

These examples could go on, but I won’t get detailed into the reservoir of parenting must do’s and don’ts I have stored from people over the last almost 3 years. Basically, from the day you tell anyone..ANYONE you are pregnant you are opening the flood gates to the River of Baby Knowledge.

But now I sit, with #2 almost ready to make his appearance and I have a very large dilemma on my parenting plate. This dilemma boils down to a very basic, bitter, and overall ass burning sauce. The sauce of bad habits!

Disclaimer: Please take a moment now and vacate the premises of my parenting kitchen if you are in anyway allergic to obscure parenting thoughts, bullshit, venting, or overall fed-upness. (And yes that is my new word!) No children were harmed physically, mentally, or emotionally in the process of this parenting kitchen experiment!

For some parents, what I am now viewing as bad habits for my nearly 2 year old is far from concern in their eyes. Call me whatever you want but to me….well it’s time for Lil Mister to start becoming a Lil-big Mister. I don’t want to rush his growth. I just want need him to start doing things a little more ….independent. (oh my I feel the evil mother eyes on me now!)

Here are the ingredients to this sauce which is causing so much panic:

Needs to be coaxed to sleep
Still wants to drink from a teat ALL THE TIME
Said teat causes for a dip in the potty training department
TANTRUMS…
Becoming proficient in a particular brand of French….no not the Paris kind
Completely UNWILLING to detach from 24/7 attention

Please join me next week as we turn up our stoves and delve into the step by step process of making The Sauce of Bad Habits (part 2).


Shana