TT- Parenting Styles

I wrote this totally awesome post about parenting styles...

But that was like months ago! Check it out here...

Rather than rehashing everything I went through then, I thought I'd share some lovely humor about people WITHOUT children.
Hubby Dearest and I have a few close friends with NO children. I love them...I really do...but....

{insert tragic sigh}
They just don't get it.



I have enough to deal with my own children...this is what will happen if you leave yours at my house!



To all the people WITHOUT children,

I know you have all the answers. Sometimes looking at a situation from the outside provides so much perspective. I am aware of this.

However, you aren't exactly looking into my home from a helicopter view with the roof off my house if you get what I'm saying. You aren't seeing everything that is going on at once.

Your little peek into my daily world is more like peeking through my kitchen windows. You get a great...GREAT view (and even some pretty awesome smells) of exactly what is going on...RIGHT SMACK DAB IN FRONT OF YOU!

And...if you stretch your neck out...nope a little more...no just stretch it..like stick your chin out...okay there you go. If you stretch your neck out and twist it a little to the right (no try sticking your bum out back for balance...yea yea!), you might get a peek into what is happening in the far side of my dining room.

Yet, that lounge over there. Yea, you ain't got a CLUE what is happening. My two year old is currently busy ripping out continuous pages from a book....oh..it's my wedding album. Why, you ask? Well, because I currently have failed to grow that third arm I was promised and I'm trying to keep dinner from boiling over while hushing my crying infant.

No, he isn't hungry. He has a wind. Despite what your expertise in getting winds out might tell me, I deal with this every SINGLE day. It's NOT called colic. It's just how babies can be.
Oh....but my two year old. He slept great and eats great too. He even has manners when around other people. But you see, he is just getting used to having a new brother in the house. For two years, he had all the attention and now he must share it.

I know...I know. You would be giving him exactly how much attention he needed. But you see, I work all morning and get home in time to feed him lunch and feed the baby. We play then...if baby sleeps. Despite what you think..you WILL NOT force them into a sleeping pattern. Some days however my two year old doesn't want my attention and is perfectly content to be on his own. But that day he does want it...well it will be the day my infant is sick from injections and the toilet pipe has happened to burst out of my wall and Hubby Dearest will be working late because of a promotion.

So....THANK YOU for your wonderful advice. I know that your second hand experience of parenting has taught you wonders and I'm positive that you will be perfect drown in your own words when you become parents. Until then have a look at a few of these....

 

Because we all know new parents have ALL the answers



Don't lie....you thought it was funny!



This is how I feel most mornings leaving for work....we arrive at the creche and it is all smiles knowing EVERY mom there is faking it!

I saved the best for last....

All photos curteousy Google Images! ;)

 

Shana..

The Sauce of Bad Habits Part 2

Disclaimer: Please take a moment now and vacate the premises of my parenting kitchen if you are in anyway allergic to obscure parenting thoughts, bullshit, venting, or overall fed-upness. (And yes that is my new word!) No children were harmed physically, mentally, or emotionally in the process of this parenting kitchen experiment!


If you are just joining me now, please take a moment and check out part 1 of The Sauce of Bad Habits! It is juicy, exhilarating. It is an adventure in your mouth….oh, it makes sure you aren’t lost today!

Let me now explain the steps to creating the sauce….

Step 1) Allow for spices to dry out…place in pot
Refusal to sleep on own….resulting in bitterness of parents due to lack of rest

Lil Mister needs to be coaxed to sleep each night. We co-slept as an infant because it was nice and mommy worked full time! Then we moved into our own crib.

This took weeks of transition. It was a lovely hair pulling experience. We were in a flat and I promise the birds didn’t even stick around when hearing the blood curdling screams. I think the people next to us wanted to report us for abuse!

Maybe Lil Mister is paying us back for this time!

While in said crib, we eventually learnt to fall asleep on our own. (Again we resorted back to the cry it out. I’ll admit I’m weak and it broke my heart but I’m not abusive and therefore Mommy needed to walk away!)

Then we learnt to climb out and got moved to a big boy bed. This was at the same time as we moved in with the in-laws. So two big transitions resulted in us being a little lenient on the climbing out of bed. Said leniency caused Hubby Dearest and me to take turns “putting” Lil Mister to bed. In reality this means lying with him until he sleeps.

Lil Mister is now in his own room. However, we must still lay with him until he sleeps. THIS MUST STOP!! We both work full time and love EVERY minute we get with Lil Mister but bedtime is the ONLY time we have for each other and to do things around the house!

Let’s be real here, with an infant coming along…how can we put two to sleep with me breastfeeding as well! I’m not up for it! I need both kids (insinuating that I will not be making the same mistakes a second time!) into good sleep habits so I can give necessary attention to all three men in my life!

So now…we break the habit. It is resulting in longer periods of time between going to bed and actually sleeping. It is also exhausting the patience bank. However, it must be done. I feel that 22 months old and in a big boy bed equals old enough to fall asleep by ones self.

Routine is the key. We bath, then eat dinner, then play. 19:45 we give kisses to everyone and head to room. It is then story time, tea time, and lights out. Mommy or Daddy stay in the room but NOT IN THE BED….

I’m counting the days until I can kiss him goodnight and go do dishes before 9pm!!

This process is now 20 days from hitting a year since we first transitioned to crib….this sauce takes some brewing. Allow for a slow simmer of emotions to develop including but not limited to anger, self pity, worthlessness, hopelessness, feeling as if you are cruel to child, and loathing of partner.


Step 2) Add liquid to spices and turn up the heat…

The second ingredient is a teat. Oh yes, that wonderful thing that used to work like a mute button! It now creates the liquid (literally!) in your sauce.

This step must be done first but allowed to sit while you work on other factors. Each time you will be tempted to add the removal of teat to your sauce…you will need to wait as some other age appropriate transition is happening (see previous ingredient!)

Lil Mister almost refuses, blatantly, to give up his teat.

Please do not think I am a heartless mother. I watch my child on a daily basis drink perfectly from a cup. One in every 20 cups results in something being spilt and 9 times out of 10 he has spilt on purpose! He has his own cups and has no quarrels with using them. HOWEVER….

He still wants that darn teat at night….nap time….when watching TV…if he sees it…thinks about…or hears the words bottle, teat, tea, or anything that sounds like that!

I recently bought the last stage in the Advent sippy teats. Check them out…I like them! He drank from the stage before just fine. He drinks from his Tommy Tippee Sippy. He drinks from a straw!! But these things are like the devil right now!

He honestly runs from the bottle if I put them on!

I’m exhausted as I enter the last weeks of my pregnancy. I am still working 10 hours a day, 5 days a week. I still do my things at home. I WANT TO SLEEP AT NIGHT!

Therefore, I keep giving him the dang teat! I put that stupid thing back on his bottle and let him go happily into dream land. I can’t stand the idea of staying up all night for however long trying to wean him!

These teats means that he continues to drink at night. Drinking at night will lead to needing to wee. This wee is an EXCESSIVE AMOUNT of liquid! I’m talking a week could fill the Nile River! Imagine Niagara Falls meets Victoria Falls cascading down the Appalachian Mountains into my child’s nappy! Okay this is a little much but you get the picture!

Join me next week for part 3!!

Shana

The Sauce of Bad Habits part 1

As new parents we experience an entirely different world from what we previously knew.

For some couples, the road to children has been a joyous process. It was a decision well thought about and planned. They waited expectantly for the day that they would learn of their little ones life. The day finally arrives and is surrounded with much hoopla and extravagant emotions. Much of which couples already having born such offspring remember and wish very dearly to warn congratulate the soon-to-be’s!

For others, it comes as a shock. Children may have been something that was spoken of as a possibility in the near far future. Some out there are single moms or even single dads! Others are blessings by God providing homes to children who otherwise would be without! Whatever the circumstances are that brought on the pooping, weeing, crying bundle of joy; we are all in the same boat.

As your offspring grows, you are showered with loving advice from others who have walked the path before you….oh who am I kidding? You are bombarded with hundreds of “experts” opinions and other moms and dads "experienced advice" all while being forced to assume your child must fit into a specific category or “box”.

Let’s face it. Ladies (and gents!) our children don’t necessarily fit into any form of category. Take my son, for example. When ever we go into town, I am always stopped and told how gorgeous and well behaved he is. I say thank you and try to act as if I’ve never noticed. In reality I’m thinking to myself, why can’t he be like this at home?!? Instead, he is throwing toys, jumping off of anything he can get onto, and trying to get onto or into the rest! The teachers tell me he bit a kid! And a typical Saturday consists of two baths and a swim because he can’t stay out of the mud….or was that just dog poop….NOOOOO!!!

All of this is part of growing up! That is all fine and dandy with me. I take no thoughts to heart if my son needs a bath for the third time today because friends have “popped in” to say hello and we are far from presentable! He’s a boy is what I always tell myself. (I also secretly glare at them with my fatal evil eye for having just come over unannounced and swear to myself that they must accept that I have a child and this is the way life is! Just wait until it's your turn!)

There are factors that I didn’t think about though. And through all the loving advice I’m given nothing is preparing me for dealing with facing these obstacles with my child. I am finding it increasingly exhausting to remind people of the common sense fact that Lil Mister is not the same as anyone else’s children!

If they’d pause for a moment and listen to themselves give “advice” they’d realize that they contradict themselves every second sentence in any case.

"Kid 1 was potty trained at 18 months. Kid 2 was a little less interested so I had to do a, b, or c different and Kid 2 was finally off diapers by 3! Definitely do it this way!”

“With girl I breastfed exclusively and that is the right thing to do. Oh no, I didn’t breastfeed with boy for so long because he had teeth early and it hurt.”

These examples could go on, but I won’t get detailed into the reservoir of parenting must do’s and don’ts I have stored from people over the last almost 3 years. Basically, from the day you tell anyone..ANYONE you are pregnant you are opening the flood gates to the River of Baby Knowledge.

But now I sit, with #2 almost ready to make his appearance and I have a very large dilemma on my parenting plate. This dilemma boils down to a very basic, bitter, and overall ass burning sauce. The sauce of bad habits!

Disclaimer: Please take a moment now and vacate the premises of my parenting kitchen if you are in anyway allergic to obscure parenting thoughts, bullshit, venting, or overall fed-upness. (And yes that is my new word!) No children were harmed physically, mentally, or emotionally in the process of this parenting kitchen experiment!

For some parents, what I am now viewing as bad habits for my nearly 2 year old is far from concern in their eyes. Call me whatever you want but to me….well it’s time for Lil Mister to start becoming a Lil-big Mister. I don’t want to rush his growth. I just want need him to start doing things a little more ….independent. (oh my I feel the evil mother eyes on me now!)

Here are the ingredients to this sauce which is causing so much panic:

Needs to be coaxed to sleep
Still wants to drink from a teat ALL THE TIME
Said teat causes for a dip in the potty training department
TANTRUMS…
Becoming proficient in a particular brand of French….no not the Paris kind
Completely UNWILLING to detach from 24/7 attention

Please join me next week as we turn up our stoves and delve into the step by step process of making The Sauce of Bad Habits (part 2).


Shana

How Having Kids Will Ruin Your Sex Life

I've decided to join in with Cloudy with a chance of wine and try out the Thursday Theme!
Each week she posts a new theme for us to write about! Try it out!! Have fun!


Let us start at the beginning…you know…the mushy-gushy yet still hot and heavy part. The part where you and baby daddy had just started doing the deed! Oh yea…you’re there. Slowly allow the cartoon memory cloud to form above your head as we walk down the road of your sex life……..

At this point, nothing he did wrong could damper your attraction to him (okay we’re all still attracted to our men but really…the fact that you must put his dirty socks in the basket EVERY MORNING is starting to wear on your nerves by now!). You’re no longer calling it sex but you are making love. You’ll take it just about whenever and where ever because you want it all the time! Your bodies are new to each other. The sex is exciting. You spend countless hours over countless months getting to know each other in all the right ways. You try new things…..until one day something happens. Your little friend decides not to visit…at all…for nine months (then it comes back with a freaking vengeance for 6 weeks!!)

At first you are so SO excited (okay we stay excited!). Not only was it feeling great emotional, mentally and PHYSICALLY but you’ve now created something beautiful in your love. You’re giddy and want to share the news with everyone and are subsequently even more in love with said partner and therefore want to do the deed even more! And what is better than knowing the risks are gone now??

But then the sickness hits. All of the sudden you’re not looking so fresh in the mornings and your hormones can plainly see that your digestive acrobatics from the last 30 minutes while you acquainted yourself with the toilet in a whole new personal way seem to turn him off a bit. You pretend to be offended, upsetting him for your lack of understanding. When actually you’re perfectly okay with him not wanting to jump into the sack with you because honestly the idea of any rocking movement makes you think of a boat which brings images of the sea and subsequently fish which reminds you of the sea food you ate 3 nights ago and you rush for your new best friend, Mr. CrapPot, again. The next 8 weeks are spent in a daze of staring at the bottom of the toilet; forcing yourself to actually put real clothes on instead of sweats and figuring out how the hell you’re suppose to stay awake for more than 10 minutes when you aren’t allowed caffeine!

But the storms settle and the clouds part ways to allow for streaks of sexual sunshine to burst through. You emerge into your second trimester with a new found energy. You swear you never had this kind of energy before you got pregnant and are starting to convince yourself that this isn’t so bad after all! Hubby is seeing you in all your glory. You’re radiant, glowing even and best of all doing everything you can to be the best carrier for his little one in there. He starts touching again and you find that your pregnant body is a little more sensitive. It feels different, sensual, and romantic. You’re suddenly ready to pounce. But wait….

You don’t remember getting wet so quickly before. Oh…ohh…EWWW!!! Not to mention what before could have looked as if you’d scripted each bedroom rumble from start to finish now looks like an awkward teenagers first attempt with a girl way out of his league. The bump seems so small when you stand in a mirror. How can it be causing so much trouble now?

Do not fear. You quickly master the art of the bedroom bump and although you are not as frequent as before you enjoy a different kind of bond.

You gracefully pass into the third trimester. You think this is going to be a breeze. You’re attending the classes together, you’re doing your kegals, and the bedroom is become a cinch. What you did not expect was the exhaustion that would return! Suddenly just getting undressed leaves you needing a good 6 hours of sleep let alone the antics to come afterwards. It is uncomfortable to lie on your back and if you’re on top you can’t bend over far enough to kiss. You deduce that there is one, MAYBE two, positions that are comfortable and realistic. These become your fail safes and you stick by them (don’t worry we’ll discuss this later on again!) Baby takes up so much room by now that he is pushing into your lungs so even a slow, vanilla style shag leaves you breathing like you’ve ran a damn marathon. You’re almost at the end and everything will be normal again you tell yourself.

Finally, baby arrives and everyone is in their glory! You and daddy are reconnecting because, well, you’ve just brought a little pooping crying never sleeping miracle into this world. You go home after the hospital and daddy is SO excited to have you back….but that little friend of yours has decided to reek havoc on you for making it disappear for nine months! That’s right daddy…you got six weeks of patience ahead of you. It’s okay…learn the baby’s schedule.

The day has finally arrived. You think after 6 weeks of no show you’d be roaring to go. However, the incessant feeding and lack of sleep has left you without a drop of energy. You kindly try to explain that it isn’t mascara smeared on your face (you haven’t even seen your mascara since before baby was born) but it is the dark circles from being up ALL THE TIME!! And to you and daddy’s surprise your body didn’t exactly spring back like the rubber band you thought it was. :-/

Slowly however you find your groove again. As you begin to kiss, baby cries. Soon baby is crawling and moving and you must restrict yourselves to only when baby sleeps. At which time you’d also like to be sleeping.

Eventually the fun starts and baby is walking and talking. This comes just as things are reaching a stable point in the bedroom in which if you can successfully get through one position without baby crying or waking then you consider it a great session! This leads to a few oops as you and daddy get adventurous and try to squeeze in a quickie as baby watches Dora for the 8th time today, or so you thought. Later that night at your in-laws for dinner you actually realize that baby claims to Grandma at the dinner table that she saw mommy and daddy wrestling but they were naked! Your cheeks flush an unknown color of red as you now battle to figure out how to tell Grandma she is Grandma again!

And the fun starts over!

Okay, maybe it isn’t so bad….mine definitely was a little more of a medium sex kill but hey we need to keep our expectations low so that it always surpasses them…right?!?!

Shana

Weekend Dreams

It was Friday afternoon. She meticulously counted the minutes on the clock as they dragged past her in a daze. Her nails were polished to perfection. Her hair was placed perfectly in the latest up-do from pinterest! She had already picked out her clothes for the evening and they sat screaming at her from under her desk! Those heels were ready for the night. She had a hot date. She had friends to meet up with and share the juicy news.


Saturday would come. It would mean a lazy morning of sleeping in, coffee and breakfast in bed, and then shopping in town for the latest trends. Saturday night would bring more wine, more laughs, and more good times.

All of this would come to head on Sunday when her and her love spent the day lounging in pajamas and watching terrible movies while eating nothing nutritious but everything absolutely delicious. They would spend hours in each others arms not worrying about the world outside….



Oh…shizz! Lunch is almost over. Okay in reality it is Friday afternoon and I am counting the minutes. But they aren’t dragging as much as they are zooming past so quickly I fear I won’t get everything done…as usual. I dread that 5 o’clock mark as much as I look forward to it! Why you ask??? WELL, let me clue you in since you are so curious! I crave 5 o’clock all month long because I rush home to my Lil Mister and Hubby Dearest! I spend the evening with family and laughing at whatever new ‘trick’ Lil Mister has decided to share with us (like going pee-pee in his potty!!!). However, today….today is payday! Most would say whoo-hoo. Not me. That means that at 5 o’clock we pile in the bukkie and head to the grocery store because yes I sent the last of Lil Misters nappies to school today! I also opened the last of the milk….and yogurt :-/. I dread this monthly shopping trip because as I swipe our bank card the wind is knocked out of me and I can taste a bit of yesterdays lunch in my mouth (I think motherhood either makes your metabolism run like a speed demon or basically stop all together!). It also means that Lil Mister will want a new truck or bike or boat or tractor or something else with wheels that is probably going to break before we get home!

In reality my nails aren’t painted. Actually I have been chewing the nail polish that is still left over from the wedding on Saturday! My hair was thrown haphazardly into a pony before work and there isn’t a speck of makeup on my face. As for heels, LJ would laugh himself into labor if I even considered attempting anything more than flip flops (thank God it’s summer!).

Saturday will come. It will come at 5am when Lil Mister wanders into my room and asks for cookies and Noddy! Hubby Dearest will not be here to make coffee or breakfast as he is fishing the weekend. I will attempt to drink my coffee before it is cold and demand that Lil Mister eat his porridge after I had already succumb to his whines for cookies (5am is just to early for rational thinking!) There will be no lounging as we have a picnic to attend with multiple other screaming children this weekend! Thank God for other mommies! I will have peace in between juice and crackers while older children drag my son through who knows what…do I smell poo???

Sunday will involve rushing into church 5 minutes late (ok at least I do look forward to church!). Getting home to help MIL cook Sunday dinner. Laundry. Dishes. More poop….where does it all come from!! Bath time and attempting to get Lil Mister back into routine for school. How does 48 hours every weekend manage to mess EVERY THING up for Sunday night!?!?

If I’m lucky I’ll have stored enough energy while pretending to watch Barney for the 800th time to “be in the mood” Sunday night!....oh who am I kidding…

I’m going to love every minute of this because….

Shopping trip means buying things for Lil Mister and LJ which gets me giddy. Grocerys means I can sneak some chocolate and wine that I WILL enjoy to it’s fullest one glass that I’m allowed while I soak in the bath because Hubby is going to be gone as of 2am Saturday…HE OWES ME A BATH! I might even score a massage! Whoo-hoo.

A new toy, albeit broken, means a smile on Lil Misters face. I can’t pass that up!

I will spend Saturday afternoon bonding with moms and watching my son develop friendships with others in families devoted to God.

Sunday I will gladly and joyfully worship and get some great fellowship time with those wonderful moms I will see tomorrow. I have MIL to help Sunday afternoon and will most likely crash on the couch with Lil Mister during his nap.

No my nails wont get polished and I’ll probably be too lazy to even bother shaving while in my bath, but heck I love being a mom! Lets go Friday!

Shana

Lots and Nots of Frineds

I apologize in advance...this turned out really long! Read it though! It's great!!

One of the hardest things about having relocated across the world is the loss in friendships. Since living in South Africa, my husband and I moved quite a few times. We have been blessed to have finally settled in the small town we now are in. We’ve been here for two and a half years. Unfortunately, strong bonded relationships with other people do not just spring up over night. It is a process. It is trial and error.


As a young adult single woman in America, I had so much going for me. I didn’t realize it at the time, but now I see what I left behind. I do not hold regret to this. I left my life there because God showed me that He had more planned for me and that it was here. I thank God for molding me to be a God fearing and God trusting woman.

I had a strong church that believed in me and my faith in God. This was a church that had taken me the first 17 years of my life to find. It was a church where the worship fed my Spirit and the pastors and spiritual leaders fed my Soul. I developed for the first time a personal and deep relationship with Jesus Christ at the steps of that alter. I had friends with whom I conversed and spent time with daily. Friends in Christ with whom I could tell when I was unsure and uplift when they were lost. We could worship together, pray together, and sit unmoving in the awe of the Spirit together. This church taught me to embrace my spiritual gifts and to not be ashamed in the face of others who did not understand. This church prepared me for a relationship with Christ when one day that church wouldn’t be there.

I have a family there who has known me since birth. This doesn’t seem like much until those people are no longer a daily part of your life. My family was my solid ground. No matter how we fought or disagreed I always knew they wanted what was best for me even if they didn’t know what it was. I knew that I was never disgraced in their eyes and I was always accepted even when I didn’t believe it! These people knew the ins and outs of my personality like I knew theirs. Nothing caught us off guard. There was no “learning” period. This family taught me to appreciate every moment with the people you love.

I had friends with whom I had spent years getting to know. Some of these friends we’d come from elementary school together while others were relationships that developed once the freedom of the open road hit (in other words once I was 16 and freely mobile between schools!). These were friends who’d seen me at my worst and at my best. They were the ones I had crazy memories with, some of which we couldn’t even tell the story because we’d laugh to hard. They were the ones who knew in a moments notice that something wasn’t right with me. They were a small group that was thicker than blood at the time. They were friends that taught me what I wanted and NEEDED from a friendship and that which I did not.

I had a culture that I knew. I didn’t have to question what was acceptable. I didn’t have to think about how I might not be able to find something that I was so used to being a normal part of life. I knew the history and I knew what to expect. I wasn’t the odd person out. This culture showed me how to be comfortable being myself in a very judgmental world.

When you make a choice to step into a new world, you make a decision to leave these comforts behind. Sadly, these are all people, places, and things that I took for granted because they were a part of my everyday life for as long as I could remember. They were me and I was them. I’ve now been in South Africa for 3 years and 7 months. I’m married with a child and a second on the way. I work and study here. I have a church here. I am still the different one. I am still the outsider.

In the small town where we live I am The American. This is genuinely the title given to me. If talking to someone you know, you would say I saw Shana, The American, at Spar yesterday. In America I was still an American, but I was just Shana. I wasn’t the one with the accent. I wasn’t the one to ask questions to compare football and rugby, baseball and cricket. I didn’t need to defend my stance on inter-racial marriages or my views on the war in Iraq. I never got asked to describe differences in family life between a boyfriend and my family nor the foods that his mom cooked and my mom cooked. These are all new territories. I NEVER thought I’d have to defend just being me and explain that I WILL NOT ever completely change and leave who I was to become complete in the views of a different culture.

Let me just note that Hubby Dearest and I do work very hard to blend our cultures. A person will think that we cannot be so different, both Christian and that our children do not face animosity here as we are both white (South Africa is still a very race oriented country as so much of each culture is centered around their race!). However, we struggle with the differences of our cultures, values, and beliefs. We differ on discipline and political stands. There are even family values that we’ve both had to merge. And yes even our children are questioned as to how do we raise them, English or Afrikaans. Again, I will not completely leave who I was but I do give. We find our medium.

Almost 4 years down the road, I’m still the outsider. Now my husband and I are placed in a new and VERY SMALL town and we’re both outsiders. The only difference is that we’re like celebrity outsiders (insert Miranda Lambert’s Famous in a Small Town). This brings me to the point of meaningful relationships outside of our immediate family that is here with us. I had forgotten the ups and downs of this road. When I first came to South Africa it was quite simple. My husband and I lived where he had lived for 7 years. He had the friends and I just joined in. Some I liked and some I didn’t and that was that. I didn’t need to search. They were provided for me. In a sense this was great because I had enough transition as it was! But when we both moved, we had to start from scratch. This can sometimes be quite tiresome and even painful.

It is a lot like dating. You put your best face on, get out there and give it a go. Sometimes it is stale. These are ‘bread friends.’ Like bread that your brother left the bag open on. It would still fulfill its purpose but yet you walk away still feeling like you’ve lacked something.

Other times it down right burns! You meet a couple of friends and they seem wonderful, great at first! Much like that wonderful looking burrito that the person at the table next to you ordered in the Mexican restaurant. So you tell the waiter you want that! It looks great and smells great. It even has some really cool name that makes you drool as it rolls of the waiters tongue. That is how the ‘Chili friends’ are. At first they seem like the perfect ones. They are fun and exciting and that first couple of times you do something together you walk away having a feeling of fulfillment. This could be it! But just like that burrito something sneaks up. Sometimes it’s early on, other times you’re half way through before you realize that your mouth is ON FIRE!! You quickly reach for the bread, ‘bread friends’, to drown out this burn. What is it? Oh, yea, that word that sounded so great was translation for ‘burn you’re a$$’ chili. You immediately regret ever ordering it. Nothing takes it away. That is how these friends are. They seem perfect but sure enough you end up in pain.

Sometimes your husband finds a friend that he feels is great. They can hang out and chat and whatever men do, but you can’t stand him! It happens vice versa too. I call these Avocado friends. Typically an avo is something one person loves and the next hates. This is also terrible because it usually ends up in fighting every time said spouse will be around that friend. There are the single friends whom are great in small portions (like dark chocolate) but they never mix with your daily life as milk chocolate would. And the list goes on.

This has been our experience over the last couple of years. There have been all out wars over whom we’re going to be around. Each of refusing someone for some or other reason. There have been couples whom it was great with for a time until one of realizes what the other one has been trying to show us…that they’re ‘Chili friends.’ There have been tears as I realize that a female I thought I could trust was the one trashing my name around town. There have been laughs as we go home having felt so awkward like on a blind date!

I’m thankful for my husband because he has stuck by through this transition. Some of you will say well obviously but heck it is a long road!! It is a dark tunnel at times. So dark we couldn’t even see each other was our misery of loneliness. As humans we need friends. It is in our nature. No matter how much I can tell my husband I need a girl friend to spill it out too and he needs a guy friend to just be a guy with! But at the end of this dark tunnel is light, ‘Sun Friends.’ (They’re called this because they are light and warmth on cold days, they are a reason to frolic and have fun. You always leave happy you were there.) That is what I realized last weekend at a wedding….





Us on the left, wedding couple, more friends and in the all black is Mrs. Paramedic (Mrs.P) 

 
There was a wedding for two friends. It has been a long road with this couple. My husband and I both are having been at fault for some dark times. But at the end the friendship has carried through and we are all adult enough to turn our backs to the past and look forward. For this I am thankful because I truly cannot imagine life without these people any longer. These friends are the light. Two couples in particular. The other is getting married next weekend. I am blessed to have been friends with them to witness these magical days in their lives!! Last weekend there was laughter, there was a little nudging (okay I’m pregnant and at a wedding maybe I wasn’t the best attendee! My poor husband sometimes! :-/) and there was honesty. We were all ourselves. At the end of the night when we were all ready to make the 30km drive home, we were all too good of friends to allow friends to risk the drive. Even if it meant 30km took us 2 ½ hours, 5 stops, a tow, brake failure, and quite a bit of fighting. We knew that is what friends are for…doing what is right even in the face of threats. Even if it wasn’t what the particular couple wanted.




Oh yea we're that cool (notice the time!)


As we drove home that night, all the couples mixed up in each others cars, we all realized one very important fact. We’re willing to go just about anywhere and to any length for each other. For the first time since being in South Africa, I finally felt ‘home.’

I was told a story from the night before. One couple in particular (the ones getting married next weekend!) was one of our very first friends in our town. The man is a paramedic and so he and Hubby Dearest met on duty at accident scenes and struck a friendship. The wife is an amazing, God loving, woman who always seems to bring out the best in me! I’ve enjoyed their company since day one. I’ve also been blessed to be so close with them at a time when my son was very sick! Mr. Paramedic has even promised to ride with me when I go into labor if he is not on duty (hospital is an hour away without traffic) as Hubby Dearest will need to follow in our vehicle and I don’t want to be alone! The night before the wedding this couple and some others were having a braai. Another friend asked Mr. Paramedic where I was from. After an hour of confusion and running every place he could think of through his head he finally stated he didn’t know what she was talking about because ‘Shana is South African.’ Mrs. Paramedic laughed and reminded him that they were talking about my accent and that I was from America. We are so close that they don’t hear my accent any longer as others do. To them I am ‘Just Shana.’ Secretly that night when I got home I cried tears of joy. For me this was the ultimate acceptation. To them I am no longer an outsider.

That is the groom listening to LJ and the one behind him is another friend (who used to be my boss!!)

At 3 am, two of the wives/fiancés and I sat in the lounge together waiting on our men to finish the chauffeur job. We laughed as we discussed how wonderful it would have been for a McDonalds to be in our town (or anything 24 hours!) and how much the next that morning was going to suck as we all had to be up in 4 or less hours. I looked into the faces of these women and realized their love for each other, their men and us was what mattered. We don’t have the history of years together, but one day we will have. We have the future together. We discuss the fears and joys of raising our children (or future children). The hopes we have and dreams. We promise to be there and uplift each other.

It’s been a long hard road to get here today. I don’t have the numbers of friends I had back in the States. I don’t have my birth family at hand. I don’t have all of the familiarity. But I have true friendships now. I have understanding friendships. I have family who’ve been there through some pretty rough waters. And I have a family and a home that we’re working to make our own. For me, I’m pretty appreciative.




It was the end of the night and only close friends were left and yes we are like this all the time! We do not judge!



New To This

Ok...so I'm new to this world of blog...

but

I have a lot on my mind and thought it would be great to connect

around the world

with other families (aka MOMS) who know the ropes!

We'll see how it goes...

hopefully you can relate!

And please oh please give me some advice!

THANKS

"You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough." -Mae West