Catching Up

So...I’ve taken a bit of a break. I can’t exactly tell you why...no, it’s not because I don’t trust all of you! It’s simply because I don’t really have a reason. I guess I just got sidetracked.

Life is fluid. It moves, it evolves, it changes and it is constantly taking us with it regardless of whether we want it to or are ready for it to. For the past couple of months, I’ve just been flowing with this wonderful life God has blessed me with.

TT- I am Saved

There are a lot of things I believe that a person can be proud of.

I moved across the world to a new country and have managed to make a successful life (at least in my eyes!).

Hubby Dearest and I have merged to cultures together to form a family and are making it work.

Despite all the doubt and despite all the obstacles, I’m 4 years into a wonderful marriage!

I graduated high school….6 months early!!

I started when I was 12 years old, volunteering at the lowest level in a restaurant, and over the next 10 years worked myself all the way up to management.

I gave birth NATURALLY to two wonderful and beautiful boys! One of which I have successfully breastfed for five months!

All of these things I am super proud of in my life. But…none of these are what I am most proud of.

I have known that one day I would share this information with all of you. But I had to wait until God told me it was the right time!

The thing I am most proud of in my life (with my children and husband following at a very VERY close second!) is my relationship with our Savior Jesus Christ.

There was a time in my life where I had fallen as far away from God as I believe was possible for me.

There was a time in my life in which I lived in a very dark and dangerous place.

Loss in spirit; Gain in Spirit

This weekend has my internal clock all messed up! I’ve done so well since coming home from the hospital at being in bed by a decent time. However, Friday night we had a braai with our parents and I only got home after midnight and then on Saturday we had a braai with friends at our house. Again, I was in bed after midnight.

So now it is Sunday and after 10 pm and I still cannot sleep.

I’m surely going to regret this! Lil Mister does not sleep past 5:30am very often and I highly doubt karma is so kind as to let it be tomorrow that he does! ;-)

It doesn’t help that I only got Lil Mister to sleep 15 minutes ago and I figure based on LJ’s last feed he should be awake in the next 15 minutes again.

Coffee...you are my best friend these days!

I’m still in shock that it is already Christmas. Yes, I realize it is still another day away, but really!

This will be my fourth Christmas in South Africa, but I can’t seem to find the spirit anymore. It hasn’t felt like Christmas since I moved here.

As I sit looking at our Christmas tree, I’m taken back to all the years spent celebrating with my family.

I miss the cold weather. I remember tracking through the rows that never ended through the cold and snow to find the ‘perfect family Christmas Tree.’ (Please envision the Clark Griswold Family Christmas Tree here!)

As a child I would fill my pockets and even stuff my coat full of the pine cones I would find along the way. I still love the smell of fresh pine!

We’d get home that afternoon and my mom would make hot chocolate (I’m positive now that I’m a parent that my mom and dad’s hot chocolates were spiked with vodka; otherwise they weren’t making it until that night!) and we’d listen to Christmas music while decorating the tree.

Really cheesy but that is what we did EVERY year!

I can’t understand why when I enter a mall; I don’t smell that sickening sweet scent of the roasted nuts. Nor do I feel it is right that there aren’t Christmas lights and decorations covering the streets and houses.

There are no night time drives to see the lights. There are no Salvation Army guys ringing their silly little bells. We aren’t bundled up watching endless reruns of the same Christmas movies. And there is no snow to wake up to on Christmas morning.

I feel like I’ve lost Christmas.

Then I found it again.

All of the sudden I realized how commercialized even I had let Christmas become to me.

I grew up being taught the true meaning of Christmas and was in every single Christmas pageant at church. I know the story by heart because it is the equivalents of thousands of years of prophecy come true. It is the entire reason for the season (sorry for the cheesy rhyme!).

Yet, even I have fallen victim to Hallmarks branding over the years. As I grew older and was able to apply the memory of scents, sounds, and images to the holiday, I somehow lost what was truly important.

Christmas is after all about Christ’s birth.

I know you’re like...duh!

But how easily I’d let that fall to the back burner while still living in the states. I’d grown so accustomed to the hoopla of the season that I’d grown cold to the meaning. I’d lost Christmas when I moved to South Africa because I’d lost the meaning of it many years before that.

I’m grateful for this now. As I sit preparing my children’s presents, I realized how blessed we are. I’m thankful to raise my children in a way that they won’t experience the extravaganza firsthand the way I did. I’m thankful that I will be able to focus more on the meaning of Christmas and teach my children why we celebrate the holiday in such a close and family oriented manner.

I’m thankful that I had to lose my Christmas spirit to be able to rejoice Christmas in the Spirit!

I will still read “The Night before Christmas” to my children on Christmas Eve. And we will continue to give presents and donate to charities during this time as well.

But I will take a little less time worrying about the lights on my front door and a little more time answering questions about ‘baby Jazus’ and his ‘farm birth’.

Shana..

When I say I am a Christian...

When I say I am a Christian

I am not shouting I’m clean living

I’m whispering I was lost

Now I’m found and forgiven

When I say I am a Christian

I don’t speak of this with pride

I’m confessing that I stumble

and need Christ to be my guide

When I say I am a Christian

I am not trying to be strong

I’m professing that I’m weak

and need His strength to carry on

When I say I am a Christian

I’m not bragging of success

I’m admitting I have failed

and need God to clean my mess

When I say I am a Christian

I am not claiming to be perfect

My flaws are far too visible

But, God believes I am worth it

When I say I am a Christian

I still feel the sting of pain

I have my shares of heartaches

So I call upon His name

When I say I am a Christian

I ‘m not holier than thou

I’m just a simple sinner

Who received God’s good grace, somehow

All Christians come under attack at some point during their lives. I’m not talking about the daily attacks of temptation for we all have our weaknesses. What I am speaking of here is when the outside world looks in and gets a glimpse of something that doesn’t fit into their “image” of what a Christian should be.

Oooh…that word image. I have to admit it stings a little bit.

The reality is that those who are not saved do not fully understand what it means to be a Christian. How often we see people profess Christianity yet they live a life completely submerged in this world. (But that is a post for another day…yes? Okay!) Therefore, the world judges us harshly. There are so many who literally look for faults in us as Christians so that they can stand on their soap boxes and scream out that we aren’t perfect. What they are failing to realize is that we are not claiming perfection! No quite the opposite.

I think that is why I love this poem so much. It says exactly what I’ve always wanted to be able to say.

Recently I was attacked by someone very close and important to me. This person does not attend church with me but assumes that I attend with the attitude of falsifying my life. They assume that I pretend to be perfect and that my life is perfect and that I never make mistakes when I’m there. This cut deep because I realized that my Christian life is appearing differently to some as what I would want it to.

You see, I am not a believer that thinks a person can NEVER have a drink. Some liquors are quite nice tasting and enjoyable. I personally do like a glass of wine. Oh there was a time in my life where I would probably have said I like a bottle (or three) of wine, but now I say I like a glass. If I was at a braai with friends who had a very good bottle of whiskey (another little indulgence) I would enjoy a single or double over ice and that would be the end. I have people in my life now who say that I am a hypocrite because I drink. I know that there are many debates on this issue. It is not my place here to debate this topic. I am merely making an example of myself!! I do not believe in getting drunk or even tipsy. However, if responsible and appropriate I don’t believe that there is anything worse to a glass of wine as there is to the chocolate bar! (That chocolate bar affects my body much longer than the one glass of wine! A lot of us can prove that in our hips!)

I’m not here to preach…..

I’m not perfect. I don’t think I’m perfect. I attend church each Sunday for fellowship with other Christians, who know I’m not perfect and know they’re not perfect, for time dedicated to worshiping God, who accepts me in all my faults and failures and loves me nonetheless, and for realization that I need to refocus my priorities each and every week. Sundays allow me a moment in which I can line everything back up. The storms of the week subside, Christ heals the wounds, and I get back to where I need to be to tackle the coming days.

By saying that I’m a Christian, I’m not saying that I use it as a crutch. This isn’t an excuse for when my temper gets ahead of me nor is it a rug to sweep my past under. This is a clear glass that I’ve chosen to bare myself in front of. By saying I am a Christian it means that I’ve chosen Christ to lead my life. It means that I’m going to trip, fall, and stumble but I don’t have to do it alone! It means that I WILL unintentionally sin but that I WILL intentionally be forgiven. It means that I know what LOVE really is.

I’ve accepted that I am made in God’s image. He created me to be exactly who I am and He loves me. That is good enough for me. I don’t need to fit the worlds image….they already fit God’s!

Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me. (John 14:6)

Shana