Four
years ago I took the plunge and made a decision that would change my life
forever. There were many reasons behind my decision but mostly I was {still am}
young, in love, and ready to start the next chapter of my life.
On
March 15, 2009 I landed and took my first steps on South African soil. I’d
never been outside of the U.S. and I’d never been on an airplane before!
I
was praying a boy I hadn’t seen in 7 months whom I’d only ever been face to
face with three times would be waiting on the other side of customs.
I
remember standing in line to get my visa. My palms were shaking so badly the
woman behind me felt the need to hug me. We were from different lands, spoke
different languages, but a simple gesture tied us in my memory forever.
Time seemed to drag past while the people were moving in fast forward.
Everything was a blur. I couldn’t focus.
I
was so nervous hey wouldn’t give me my visa that I wouldn’t stop talking long
enough to answer the customs officers questions. I’m sure she thought I was on
crack. Nevertheless, she let me through!
And
so began the rest of my life….
In
light of 4 years having past I thought I’d share with you four things I’ve
learnt….
1)
I am not defined by
where I’m from
When
I first moved to South Africa I quickly became known as “The American” “Miss
America” or just “America.” Initially this did not bother me. It was a joke
among friends. When we moved from the sunny coast of Durban to the inlands of
Groblersdal {and from a town of 20,000+ to 5,500} it got a little extreme. I’ve
been living in Groblersdal for three years now and I’m still known as “The
American.” For many, whether you believe it or not, I’m the only American
they’ve ever met. My accent is still strong and my English a little too fluent
for this very VERY Afrikaans community.
With
the name came other….factors. Everything I do, especially if it is different
from the way a South African would do it, is because ‘you’re American.’ I’ve
found myself defending my actions while denying that it has anything at all to
do with where I am from.
People
seem to have troubles separating who I am with what I am. This became difficult
in my mind to. It got to a point where everything for me centered around where
I was from. I wasn’t Shana anymore.
I’ve
spent a lot of time since then separating the two….I am still Shana and I am
who I am. Yes, where I come from has affected my upbringing and some factors of
my personality, but it does NOT define me as a person.
I
love my country but I am MORE than just an American.
2)
Assumptions are the
mother of all frackups
This
goes wit h number one in a lot of ways. People made a lot of assumptions about
me before they met me based on some things Hubby Dearest had said and based on
me being American. Once I came to South Africa, everything I did was then
shifted in their minds to meet these assumptions. Actions and words would be
twisted to make them fit into the box they’d created for me. Once you create a
box or a stereotype for someone, anything that doesn’t fit into this box
becomes an issue.
This
has been the center of a lot of heartbreak for me. I refuse to judge people or
fit them into boxes because of this. I never make assumptions about the type of
person someone will be until I’ve had the opportunity to meet them for myself.
The
assumptions people made about me have hurt myself and my family.
DO
NOT MAKE ASSUMPTIONS!
3)
Just because I’ve
slipped doesn’t mean I’m not a Christian
The
first two lead to the third. Before I came to South Africa I was planning to
come here for missionary work. When I met Hubby Dearest, plans changed and I
came here permanently. I lost my way a little bit when I got here though. I was
thrown into a world I hadn’t expected. In truth, I hadn’t known what to expect
and therefore lost my way a bit. I began to do what everyone else was doing in
order to ‘fit in.’ This set up a bad beginning for Hubby and I and also led a
lot of people to think I had been ‘fake.’ This is not the case.
I
felt separated from the LORD for a long period because of choices I had made. I
felt like my relationship which I’d spent so long nurturing with the SPIRIT had
become a void in my life. I felt as if GOD had forsaken this nation and myself.
What
I learnt was it was my mistakes. I let myself slip. When I pulled myself from
my spiritual network I had at home, I learnt I wasn’t sure where to go on my
own. I was without guidance.
Now,
I’m back in a church I can call home with people I can call family and my
relationship with the SPIRIT is being rebuilt.
Just
because I had a dark time, it does not mean I’m not a Christian. Simply because
I have sinned does not mean I am a fake.
We
all make mistakes. GOD is love and forgiveness and I am blessed because of
that.
4)
Everyone deserves
second chances
All
of this leads me to my last lesson learnt. I’ve been burnt a few times in my
life and it put a chip on my shoulder. I became the type to forgive but not
forget.
I
would forgive you for hurting me but I wouldn’t allow you back into my life.
I’ve
hurt people over the years. When I moved here, I cut all relationships with my
Dad back home because it hurt that he wasn’t supportive. I regret this decision
greatly and have spent the remainder of my years here making genuine effort to
include him in my life. It is more difficult than I’d ever imagined.
I
hurt him badly when I cut him out, but he forgave me. He let me back in.
Everyone
deserves a second chance. If they hurt you twice that is their fault…if they
hurt you three times it’s yours.
Shana..
