A New Adventure

Hey peeps! I’m being featured on Traveling Tuesdays over at Dawn’s Disaster…why don’t you head over there and check it out!!

In the mean time….let’s catch up!We spent an awesome weekend with Hubby Dearest’s parents and middle brother. In case you weren’t sure, the youngest brother is currently staying with us…this deserves it’s own post…seriously dudes!

I can’t wait to get all of the pictures uploaded and tell you all about Lil Misters Easter…but you will just have to take my word for it…for now!!

In other news…

Today was supposed to be my first day back FULL DAY! I was given a two month gap in which I only returned to work half-day because I came back two months before my maternity leave would have ended. This was heavenly (not the returning to work and leaving my precious monkeys but the working half-day!). I was home to play every afternoon, had plenty of time for things like dishes and dinner and I wasn’t exhausted and frazzled each night falling into bed as if my life depended on it (okay I do depend on sleep but you know what I mean!).

Unfortunately (or fortunately…I haven’t decided yet), the girl who looks after LJ at home phoned yesterday evening at 5pm to say she wouldn’t be coming to work today. Now, I pay this girl to look after my son and clean my house. The house isn’t that much and she is ALWAYS done when I get home at 1pm. So, when I decided to give her a 33% increase to stay full day instead of half, Hubby Dearest thought me insane!

I battled so much with Lil Mister being sick in his first year and he ended up hospitalized at 8 months old because of constant respiratory infections; I refused to put a second child through all of it. If I could do anything to keep LJ from experiencing this, I was going to. In my mind, keeping LJ home for the first year was ideal. Thus…hire a maid/nanny!! ;-)

Problem ensues…nanny no come work….mommy screwed!

I was panicking! Where would I send LJ?

I phoned my boss who is wonderful, but no…LJ cannot come to work. His suggestion was I stay home!
Not that I have a ton of work today, but really we just came off of a 4 day weekend. How crap do I look not coming to work today!?!?

Then Mr. P comes to the rescue. He is off this morning and has graciously decided to take LJ for a few hours (even though this meant me interrupting the beauty sleep process at 6:30 this morning!)!! I’m so blessed to have friends like this.

So we arranged that I would work half-day for one.last.day.

How do I feel??

Anxious to begin with. I’m a nervous wreck. I’ve had about 8 cups of coffee just considering the idea that from tomorrow I’m back here 10 hours a day!! With transport time, I’m gone 11 hours.each.day! How can my babies survive?

I know it seems ridiculous because I did it before LJ was born and Lil Mister was fine…however! Lil Mister was my only jewel then. In the evenings I came home and he was my focus. We were also still living with Hubby Dearest’s parents then, so cooking was done by the time I walked in the door!

Lil Mister was the center of attention.

Now…well now that spotlight is already being shared…and now I’m cutting the time in which the light has to shine! This mommy light is growing dim in my childrens eyes.

I’m tearing up right now…please pass me the virtual tissue.

But really, it breaks my heart thinking that my children won’t have as much time with me. How will I cope? How am I suppose to get home and have 3 hours to cook dinner, bath kids, eat, and do bedtime? When do I get to see them?

Yes, many moms go through what I’m going through. They do it. They survive. Their kids adapt and love them still. It doesn’t lower my feelings of lost, confusion, regret.

I have to work, both because we need the money and because it helps me be a better me. But I would love to have had the option to stay half day. Financially, we just can’t afford the pay cut for me to do that.

So….a new adventure begins.

Shana..