Thursday, 25 April 2013

TT- A Second Chance Tomorrow

I tick my pen as I count down the minutes.

5 o’clock can’t come quick enough in my eyes. I have things to do. Dinner needs cooked, kids need love, attention, and a bath, and laundry needs put away.

That precious hour and a half I have on Thursdays between the time I get home and the time Hubby Dearest leaves for rugby practice is often lost in a blur of commotion.

Once Lil Mister is finally in bed and LJ is calm in his rocker….I feel the pangs of mommy guilt tugging at my heart.

Did I give Lil Mister enough positive attention this evening? Should I not have played with him more? Does LJ know he is loved just as much as Lil Mister? Maybe I should be more patient during feedings?

The list goes on. I drag myself around the house as I tidy up and pack bags for tomorrow.

I hear the couch calling my name as I wait for the time to pass. Hubby Dearest should be home soon. I need to heat up his food.

My heart weighs heavy as I review the days events and see the holes where I could have done more, been more, seen more…loved more.

I’m only human I tell myself. I will make mistakes.

They know I love them.

I lay my head on my pillow that night, the list of things left undone railing through my mind like a freight train steaming onward in the wake of darkness.

I do not like falling asleep in guilt.

Tonight….tonight when I lay my head down I will focus on the moments I was involved. I will focus on the joys I did experience. I will focus on the life I lived rather than the parts I missed.

Tonight, I will love myself for being the best I can be and thank God for a second chance tomorrow. I will thank God for my do-over.

This post is written in response to Jenn’s,  from SomethingClever2.0, Theme Thursday topic; summer vacation.

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