Monday, 31 March 2014

Letting Go of the Fear

Recently, I spoke about a promotion Hubby might be able to get. He currently works in the spares industry; meaning he sells car parts!

Truthfully, I am so super proud of him! He has worked extremely hard this last year to prove himself within the company, to build up his clientele, and truly get to know the business. And I know it hasn’t been easy at times!

Late last year, we started noticing a shift in how things were happening. Simply, from what he was telling me the manager and area manager said and the extra duties he was doing...I could see that they were impressed with him. Then he got asked early this year to go assist another store in a stock take. For these stores, stock take is a weekend long job and takes multiple people.

It was a huge boost for Hubby. It meant a lot to be requested for something like this. So when the position for a manager at this other branch came available, I started praying about it.


I felt encouraged by the Spirit to tell Hubby to apply for the position. We thought at best it would show the company that he was interested in advancing and possibly give him the opportunity to gain some feedback about how to prepare himself for such a position.

After that, we kind of forgot about it! We knew he applied but truly and honestly NEVER expected to hear anything back! Then the week before last, his manager was away on conferences. He phoned Hubby and told him that he had to be in this new town for an interview the following Monday!

We were in shock! We still are a little bit as today (a week from the first testing) Hubby is in Johannesburg for another set of testing and interviews for the position!  I know he is starting to get himself excited as his manager talks that this is a real possibility and that Hubby’s chances are good. Still, we know there is a possibility of getting a no answer.

However, we needed to start thinking about the what-ifs. We immediately started looking at renting costs and school costs so we could get an idea of what kind of salary Hubby would need. Then reality set in for me.

If Hubby gets this job, I will be so happy and proud and supportive. If Hubby gets this job, it means we are moving....

It will mean starting over....again. It means pulling my beautiful children out of a school they are so incredibly happy with. It means searching....again...for that right school. It means putting my boys in the hands of people I don’t know and trusting they do things right.

It means me looking for a job...again. It means once again trying to prove myself when everyone is looking at me sideways for being different. It means trying to convince people that I understand enough Afrikaans to work for their company and that my visa really does allow me to have a job. It means starting at the bottom and crawling up....again. My biggest fear is that it will mean going back to the restaurants....again.

It will mean Hubby and I being on our own and isolated. We know only a couple of people there. No one that we can really have a social life with. It means leaving my bestie C....the truest friend I’ve had or will have in this country. It means praying and hoping that our friendship can survive the distance. It means not being able to just pop over for a cup of coffee.

It means looking for a new church again. It would mean the craze of trying to find a church that is okay with our rambunctious boys and accepts us for who we are as a family. It would mean trial and error....waiting for the Spirit to guide us where we belong.

It would mean setting up house again. We would need to find a house....one that fits all our needs...in an area that is safe....it means loosing Maggy.

Most of all, if Hubby gets this job, and God tells us to go, it would mean accepting that we were wrong. It would mean that Groblersdal wasn’t our landing point. That this place we’ve dug our roots into so deeply would have just been a stop along the way.

I’ve allowed my heart to grow here. I’ve allowed myself to finally feel like I’m home here. I’ve allowed myself to soften to the people and their ways here and accept this place for the beauty it is. I’ve allowed this town to become home....

What if I don’t feel the same about this new place? What if I go through homesickness again? Can I survive it again? Can I be isolated again?

There are so many questions right now and the uncertainty of our situation is straining me. I’m praying constantly. I’m trying to let it go and hand it all over to God. But the questions lurk with me all day long. When I’m at work, I wonder how long I will have to continue this job I have so loved.

When I speak or see friends, I wonder when it will be the last time. When I walk into our house, I wonder how many more days I will call this home.

I will follow, support, and show pride for Hubby no matter where he goes or what he does! And we will tackle this next adventure, should that be God’s will, with smiles and ready hands....as soon as I swallow the fear!

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XOXxx

Shana Danae..

16 comments:

  1. Good luck with everything and I hope it works out. Starting over can be extremely scary but is often worth it in the end. It may be rough at first but you will eventually find yourself loving your new home.

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    1. Thank you! We will just hold fast and wait for answers... I know He is worth it though!

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  2. I could've written this post when we were moving from Philly back to Indiana a few years ago. While we all speak English here (although with the Kentucky accent, sometimes I can't understand people!), there were so many what if's involved. However, it worked out for the better and I know that this is where we were meant to be. I know that whatever happens, it will be how it's supposed to be. Hugs!

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    1. Thanks Holly! Yes, I'm positive whatever happens is exactly what God wants for our lives and we will have a lesson to learn in the process! We must just keep leaning on Him!

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  3. I can only imagine what this would be like. Prayer my friend is the best place to be in right now. The Lord loves you and has a wonderful plan for your family. Sometimes what you think might be the plan changes because God has something else for you. I'll pray with you that every decision you make is the Lord's will for your life.

    Sending you blessings of comfort and peace in knowing that you are beloved.
    xoxo

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    1. Thank you Jen! Yes, Prayer is the only solution and it is where I'm spending a lot of my time lately! Nothing worth it is ever easy....Satan makes sure of that! I just pray we listen to the Spirit and follow His will! Thank you for your kind words my friend!

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  4. Good luck Shana, God will take you wherever he wants your family to be :)

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    1. That is so so true Debbie! I am working hard to remember that and praying for us to see His will! We are definitely not alone through this though! And it just may possibly turn out to be something amazing! Thank you!

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  5. Typically, when we go through hard things, it means there is something better in the other end. Faith - is believing in things not seen. It's all about having faith - that this is the right move for everyone, you know?

    He hasn't gotten the job yet, right? Who knows. It will work out for the best. I just know it.

    Keep your head up and keep on truckin'. Roll with the good stuff and the punches, and you will be alright. Just as long as you and your family is together.

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    1. You are so right! It is about faith! Your words truly uplift me! We found out shortly after this post that he did get the job! He left this morning for our new town! I will be joining him at the end of May! :-/ So it is happy mixed with sad, anticipation, excitement. LoL It is just a bundle of emotions! But we are pressing forward! Thank you for stopping by and for your encouragement!

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  6. Wow! I can truly relate to the feeling of wanting God's will but being a bit scared about it as well. Being a Military Wife I have a few moves under my belt and that anxiousness has yet to go away. I will be praying for you and your family that everything works in your favor and according to God's will for your lives.

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    1. Thank you for your prayers! I am excited for this time ahead and know as long as we submit to God everything will work out even better than we imagined! Thank you for stopping by!

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  7. It's tough to understand God's will while being scared and feeling alone. It's your faith and empowerment that will get you through it and you will experience things you will be thankful later on in life.

    Happy Mommy Monday

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    1. Thank you so much for your beautiful words! It is so uplifting!!

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  8. I know how tough it is. I've been in SA 3 years and only sometimes feel like I'm in a place with support and a sense of belonging. We just moved to a bigger townhouse (from a granny flat) and we're finally feeling like we can breathe. And open up those boxes that we never have opened. I think that you are doing all the right kinds of planning and thinking, so worry less and feel confident in this path your family is taking. I'm available to e-mail chat if you need to talk about it all!

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    1. Exactly! Thank you so much for your lovely words! I'm so glad you found a bigger place! With kids it is so necessary!! How's that beautiful little of yours doing??

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